New
Arrivals
Author-Ice Bear
Titles
Ancient History
by Ice Bear
Summary: Jim's efforts to put his childhood behind him are foiled by the reappearance of his mother and the revelation of more secrets. (rewritten Aug 2007)
Notes: This is a major rewrite of an earlier story based on some very good advice and sound suggestions from Bruce Alan Wilson.
Disclaimer: All things Sentinel belong to Pet Fly and Paramount.
Returning to the loft from the library, Blair realized that something was wrong. He couldn’t explain it, but he knew simply from looking at his roommate that something was off. His eyes carefully searched the loft while he hung up his coat, hoping for a clue. Nothing seemed out of place, but his partner had not even acknowledged his presence – nor come to think of it, been at the door to meet him. Okay, he needed to get to the bottom of this quickly.
“Jim, how was work?” The handsome man looked up from the book on his lap and shrugged. “Did something happen today?”
Jim rose and came to stand in front of his roommate. “My father called.” Blair searched the familiar blue eyes. Jim had been estranged from his dad since he was 18, and had only met up with him again a month ago during a case. Jim’s tentative efforts to reach out and reestablish the relationship had been met with little enthusiasm. The fact the man called couldn’t be good.
“What’d he want?”
“He’s sold the house and is moving into Cascade Towers: the penthouse of course,” he finished with a snort. “He said if there was anything I wanted at the house I need to get it out tomorrow.” Not quite sure what to make of that statement, Blair grabbed two beers from the fridge and signaled for his partner to join him on the couch. He needed a few minutes to digest this one. What game was Bill Ellison playing?
“You going to go?”
One shoulder shrugged indifferently. “He’s going to throw everything in my room out if I don’t; not that there’s anything I want. I mean I haven’t missed it for the past 20 years so I doubt if I need it now. But I figured the Boys Club could recycle the trophies, the battered women’s shelter is always looking for furniture, and I think my clothes from high school are still there, and the homeless shelter can put them to good use.”
“Want some help?”
“Thought you had a meeting tomorrow morning?”
“Yeah, with Professor Stoddard. I need to talk to him about the diss before he leaves for two months. He’s heading an expedition to Africa.”
“That’s an important meeting, Chief. I know you value his advice, and if he’s leaving for two months, you really need to take advantage of his time tomorrow.”
“I’ll come over as soon as I’m done. I don’t really like the idea of you doing it alone. Who knows what you’ll find?” Jim’s family was a major emotional minefield, and the Guide hated the fact that it continued to be a source of pain to his Sentinel.
“I’ll take care of the basics – the bed, desk, etc - and you can help me with the rest, how’s that?”
“Good plan.”
^^^^^^^^
Jim timed his arrival to coincide with his father’s departure the next morning. He parked down the block and waited until the dark blue Mercedes disappeared before approaching. He was met with a warm affection by Sally, his father’s longtime housekeeper, and the woman who essentially raised him. She promised him homemade cookies if he cleaned his room, making them both laugh at the memories of the many bribes she’d used over the years to keep the two Ellison boys in line.
He took five boxes up to his old room and while putting them together, his eyes surveyed the room that had been his refuge for 18 years. He had a sudden flash of memory of the day he left for good. He had packed his duffel, taken his passport and bank book and, before leaving, stopped to take one last look around. He remembered thinking at the time that he would never spend another night in that room. Shaking himself out of the reverie that suddenly threatened to choke him, he took old newspapers and began wrapping his sports trophies. Why his father kept them was a mystery. He’d have bet serious money the old man would have thrown out everything that had to do with his eldest.
Once the trophies were packed, he took the box down to the truck and grabbed a cup of coffee from Sally before heading back, after reminding her that the shelter was sending a truck for the furniture between 11 and noon. He quickly packed the clothes from the bureau and closet. He did get distracted by a drawing he found in the far back of the bottom drawer of his bureau. It was done in crayon and showed a man and woman and two children. He had to close his eyes to shake the image of what he had once thought was a happy family. Growling in dismay, he balled the picture up and tossed it in the trash pile.
He moved the overstuffed chair downstairs when he heard the moving truck in the driveway and helped the men move the bureau, his desk and two end tables down. He left the receipt on his father’s desk before joining Sally for the promised cookies. As he headed back upstairs, he heard someone at the front door. “I’ll get it, Sally.”
He opened the door to find a well dressed woman, about his father’s age he guessed. “May I help you?” He asked when it was clear from her expression that he wasn’t who she was expecting.
“I’m looking for Bill Ellison.” Her nose was scrunched in distaste at the sweaty man in the worn blue jeans in front of her.
“I’m sorry but he’s not in right now. I expect him back about 2 this afternoon. I’d be happy to let him know you stopped by.”
“No, I’ll wait.” She announced brushing by him and into the living room. Jim watched her settle on the couch and pick up the remote control.
“Suit yourself,” he huffed under his breath. He stopped in the kitchen to tell Sally about their uninvited guest before heading upstairs. He lost himself for a while in the books he had treasured as a child. He found bits and pieces of homework, and a few photos and newspaper articles covering his prowess on the sports field between their pages. He put several books in his box and the rest in a pile for the Boys Club.
The top shelf of his closet yielded several childhood treasures that made him smile, including a mangled teddy bear. The smiled died as he carried out the ten copies of the NEWS magazine with his face on the cover and the Purple Heart that rested on top. His hands shook as he opened the letter from his CO to his father expressing his condolences over the loss of his son in the line of duty. He ripped it into miniscule pieces; using the action to bring the sudden spike of rage he felt under control. He set the NEWS copies aside figuring Sandburg might want one or two – the rest he was definitely throwing out. The Purple Heart; he left on the window sill.
He then became engrossed in his baby album, looking at pictures of his parents – his slender fingers tracing the outline of the woman he hadn’t seen since he was 8. He wondered if they had ever been a happy family, despite the smile he father had in the photos, and his dad had never been a very good actor. He heard his father talking to Sally in the kitchen, and shrugged realizing he wouldn’t be able to escape without talking to him.
His hearing ratcheted up, following a sudden increase in his father’s heartbeat. “What the hell are you doing here, Grace?”
“Is that anyway to greet your wife and mother of your children, Bill?”
“We’re divorced, and I’d use mother in the biological sense given how you abandoned them.” His mother? Here? He’d let her in and hadn’t even recognized her. It couldn’t be possible. He returned his gaze to a family photo in the album, trying to reconcile the young woman in the photo with the one sitting downstairs. At the same time, he focused his hearing further. “What do you want?” Bill Ellison asked angrily.
“My money. Part of the divorce settlement was an agreement that when you sold the house, I’d get half. Surely you didn’t think I wouldn’t find out when you sold the place.”
“You want your money; have your lawyer talk to mine.”
“Now, Bill, we’re both adults, certainly we can act like it. Or are you just a little nervous that I met your boy toy?”
“Excuse me?”
“The young man who answered the door. You know - tall, buff, a bit dirty…who knew.”
“I…that ‘young man’ is your son.” Jim’s blood began to pound as his heart raced.
“Seriously, Bill…” Suddenly he was 7 years old and listening to his parents arguing again.
^^^^^^^^
“Hey Jim, look I know I’m running a little late, but…” Blair stopped when he realized it was a female voice on the other end of the phone.
“Blair, please. It’s Jimmy, hurry!”
“I’m already on my way, Sally. Just tell him I’m coming.”
Sally greeted Blair at the kitchen door and led him up the back staircase. “Jim!” His friend was curled in a tight ball, rocking frantically back and forth, hands tightly cupped over his ears. Bill Ellison knelt on the floor beside his son, his hands floating just above the trembling body. There was a stranger in the room as well, but he paid her no attention. “Easy, Jim, easy.” Blair dropped to his knees and put his hands on either side of the stark white face. “Come on now, Big Guy, I’ve got you. Everything’s alright.” Looking up at his partner’s father, he asked, “Please, just leave us alone.”
“Look, Sandburg,” Bill started.
“No! This is what I do, Mr. Ellison. Please, let me help Jim. I know what he needs.” As the stranger took a step closer, he felt the muscles under his hands clench even tighter.
“I thought he was supposed to grow out of these little episodes.” Blair’s head jerked up, blue eyes clouded with anger. He looked up at the woman. “Get away from him, now!”
“Well, it does explain why he still lives at home, I suppose.” She responded, moving to the doorway.
“He doesn’t live here!” Bill Ellison exploded. “He’s a detective with Major Crimes, and has one of the best arrest records in the state. Before that he was with the Rangers; survived 18 months in the jungles of Peru. He grew up to be a strong, independent, caring man, despite yours and my best efforts to the contrary. Now get out.”
Blair’s full attention was on his Sentinel. It was clear his current state had something to do with this woman. He hadn’t really listened to what Ellison senior said; he just knew that the older man did not want the woman here anymore then Jim did. So he ignored her and pulled the tense upper body into his lap. The hands over the ears meant he’d zoned on his hearing, so he used touch – his square hands moving gently over the pale face and rigid back. He also leaned forward so his hair brushed softly across the face – hoping the smell of his herbal shampoo would convince his partner that it was okay to come back. After 20 minutes, he fumbled through his backpack for a spicy tangerine and pushed a small piece into the Sentinel’s mouth. He realized it was working a few minutes later when Jim grabbed his hand. “I’ve got you, Jim. It’s alright now. Everything’s okay, I’m right here.”
Fifteen minutes later he helped him up and led him slowly down the back stairs. His father and Sally rose as they entered the kitchen. “Jimmy! Son, sit down.”
“Loft, please,” he pleaded hoarsely with his Guide.
“I need to take him home. Okay if we leave the truck here for now?” He kept Jim moving as he talked.
“Is he alright?” Bill asked, slumping back into his chair at the table.
“He needs to rest. I’ll have him call you later.” Sally followed them to the car and passed a bag of sandwiches and cookies through the driver’s window. “Who was that woman, Sally?”
“Grace Ellison.” Sad brown eyes looked at him. “She wanted to remind Mr. Ellison that he owed her half the money for the sale of the house. Jimmy answered the door when she came. He didn’t realize who she was, and I didn’t have the heart to tell him.”
“Chief?” The concern in the question came through, despite the weariness in the voice. Realizing that even now his Sentinel was responding to the spike in his heart beat, he reached a hand out and squeezed Jim’s briefly.
“Everything’s okay, Big Guy. I’ll have you home in no time.”
He supervised a shower before helping the older man up to his bed. Once he was sure his charge was asleep, he headed down to the couch and collapsed. Grace Ellison – Jim’s mother….William Ellison had some serious explaining to do, given that the woman left when his partner was 8, and he hadn’t heard a word from her since. No wonder the man zoned.
He let Jim sleep until dinner time. He wanted to make sure he ate something and to do a quick status check on his senses. They ate in silence, the Guide having a hard time keeping his eyes away from the drawn face. After they finished, Jim moved to the couch.
“We need to talk about what happened today, but first you need to call your dad. He and Sally are worried about you.”
Please…not tonight.”
“Jim.” He held his hands out.
“It was her – my mother – wasn’t it.” Pained blue eyes waited for a response.
“Yes, it was.” The confirmation had Jim lurching off the couch and moving unsteadily to the balcony. He stood with his head down, leaning heavily against the railing. “Jesus…he’s known all along where she was, that son of a bitch.” The words were said without heat.
“You don’t know that, Jim. I was concentrating on getting you home so I didn’t have time to find out what was really going on.”
“God damn him.”
^^^^^^^^
Bill Ellison was at the loft door at 8:30 the next morning. With Jim finally asleep, after a night of bad dreams, Blair was reluctant to let him in, but he did. After giving him a cup of coffee, he climbed the stairs to the bedroom slowly.
“Chief?” Jim turned over so he was facing the stairs, the dark circles under the blue eyes highlighting the pale face.
“Hey. How do you feel?” He asked, sitting beside his partner and running a hand gently through the short hair.
“Yesterday…was that really my mother?”
“Yeah, Jim, it was.” He kept up the motion with his hand for a moment to let that sink in. “And your dad’s downstairs, he wants to talk to you.”
“I’ll be down in a few minutes.” He responded, softly, his head turned so Blair couldn’t read the emotion in his eyes.
Ten minutes later, fully dressed, Jim Ellison made his way carefully down the stairs to his living room. “Dad.” He said in greeting as he took a seat in the yellow chair as far from his father as he could get and still be in the room.
William Ellison looked distinctly uncomfortable. “I’m sorry, Jimmy. I had no idea she’d show up yesterday.”
“You’ve known where she is all along, haven’t you?” The question was asked softly; the blue eyes focused on a spot just over his father’s shoulder.
“Yes, I have.”
“Why didn’t you tell me where she was? Why?”
“You’ve got to believe me, Jimmy, when I tell you I was trying to protect you. I thought…hell, Jimmy; I just thought we were better off without her. And I thought if we didn’t talk about her, we wouldn’t…I was young and stupid, son. Despite all I did, please believe me when I tell you that I never meant to hurt you.”
“Does Stevie know?” Blair didn’t realize he was holding his breath. He knew the answer to this question had the potential to further devastate his friend.
“Yes – he started seeing your mother shortly after you joined the Army. I believe they still correspond.”
Jim stood abruptly and moved to the window, looking out over the bay, his back rigid; fists clenched so tightly his knuckles were white. “Why didn’t you ever tell me any of this?”
“I didn’t think it would matter. She left you, Jim, she left us!”
“Get out,” he said turning to face his father. “Get out!” It was louder the second time.
Blair pushed Bill out of the loft and to the elevator. “He doesn’t need this right now. You have to leave.” He waited to make sure the man actually got in the elevator before returning to his roommate. He found Jim back upstairs, sitting cross legged on his bed.
“I can’t believe this Chief. All these years I wondered – hell, I used to look for her when I traveled, in airports, driving through different cities…I even used to look her up in the local phone books, thinking maybe it was that easy…always wondered what I’d say if I found her.” The voice trailed off as he spoke. “I don’t know…can’t even begin to figure out – my dad, Stevie – they kept it from me all these years…God…” He rolled onto his side facing away from his friend.
Blair sat on the bed, a hand on the broad shoulder. He had no words, no idea what to say, so he sat offering what comfort he could long after the man had fallen asleep.
^^^^^^^^
Jim was quiet, withdrawn with everyone for the next few days. Blair was the only one Jim would let close, so he dogged the detective, determined to be there when he reached out for reassurance. He hated seeing his partner so unhappy and wished desperately he could fix it.
Stephen called twice, but Jim refused to talk to him. He told Blair he couldn’t figure out what he wanted – what he needed - to say. While he had only reconnected with his brother two years ago, he felt the younger man had betrayed him. And he didn’t know how to handle it. He had enjoyed the opportunity to get to know the man his brother had become, and he wasn’t willing to throw that away, but right now he simply couldn’t handle it.
Saturday morning about 8:15 they had just finished breakfast when there was a knock at the door. Just before opening it, Blair heard a growl and looked toward the couch where the panther and wolf stood. When he saw who was on the other side of the door, he tried to close it. “I’m not leaving until I talk to Jimmy,” Grace Ellison said loudly.
“What are you doing here?” Jim demanded, coming to stand beside his roommate.
“I’m sorry to come by without calling, but I wanted to talk to you about my youngest son, Richard. He’s in publishing – works for the second largest publisher in the country. It’s his third career, you see. His older brothers, Samuel and Thomas, are both well settled, but Richard seems to be having a hard time finding his place.” She did not see, or chose to ignore, the flinch her comments about her ‘sons’ caused. Anyway, I told him about your time in Peru, and showed him the article in NEWS. We both think it would make a best seller.”
“I think you should leave,” Blair hissed as he tried to keep himself from shoving the woman out the door.
“Really, Jimmy, your friend needs to work on his manners.”
“His manners are just fine.” The older man responded: blue eyes pale with anger. He reached a hand out to his partner and it settled warmly on his shoulder, grounding them both.
“With the right ghost writer, it would not only be a best seller, but it would also make an incredible movie.”
“I’m sorry, but you’re wasting your time. There will be no book; not about Jim.” Blair responded, feeling his Sentinel’s distress, and noting the increase in the growls emanating from the living room.
“Really, Jimmy, after your performance the other day at your father’s house, I don’t think you can afford to pass up this opportunity. I’m sure the Police Commissioner would rethink putting a detective on the street who suffered from such debilitating episodes, for the officer’s own good of course.”
“Jim’s a two time Cop of the Year. The Chief knows all he needs to know about him.” Blair rebutted, the warm hand on his shoulder holding him back.
“Get out!” Jim ordered, having drawn to his full height.
“Come on now, Jimmy. You owe Richard the courtesy of listening to his proposal. It would be worth a great deal of money, and you could move out of this dismal little place. And after your TV appearances, you will be the most eligible bachelor in America…that is if you actually like women.”
The snide remark was too much. Blair placed himself in front of the furious Sentinel and pushed back against the muscular chest to stop his forward movement. “I don’t owe your ‘son’ anything, and that goes double for you. Now, get out of my house.”
Bill Ellison stepped through the partially opened door, causing his son to stop his forward motion abruptly. “Grace, leave!” He ordered.
“Really, Bill, I have as much right to be here as you. And I have a very good business proposition – my son, Richard, can make Jimmy a very wealthy man.”
“You never did understand that money wasn’t everything,” the older man said, shaking his head sadly before moving to stand beside his son. “Besides, Jimmy has managed quite well on his own without help from either of us.”
Grace tried a different tact. “It doesn’t really matter if Richard gets your cooperation or not. The magazine article has enough information to write at least 200 pages.”
“The Army will stop you,” Jim was looking at her the same way he looked at child molesters.
“And if they don’t, my lawyers will.” Bill Ellison promised.
“Suddenly you’ve decided to be the protective father, Bill. A little late for that don’t you think?” Her voice was dripping with sarcasm.
“At least he stayed,” Jim said roughly.
“I could call the papers; let them know about the freak this city pays to run around with a gun.”
Blair took a step forward, only to be hauled back as his partner put his forearm across his heaving chest. He wished for a wild moment that he was his spirit animal, the wolf, as he’d like nothing better than to rip the woman’s throat open.
“Be my guest, Mother. And we’ll see how you feel when the world finds out you gave birth to that freak. I’m sure all your ‘sons’ would appreciate the testing they’d be subject to courtesy of Uncle Sam if that got out.” Jim’s eyes were ice blue and his stare cold.
“You haven’t heard the last of this.” She hissed angrily.
“He’d better have, Grace. Or don’t you recall the fine print in our divorce settlement? You remember the line that stated you would never seek to interfere in your sons’ lives without their consent or forfeit the settlement.”
“You wouldn’t!”
“You don’t want to try me,” the senior Ellison promised calmly.
The door to the loft slammed shut, leaving the three men to take a deep breath. “Dad?” Jim turned slightly to his right to look at his father.
“I’m sorry, son. I didn’t think she’d have the nerve to seek you out.” Bill Ellison looked at the wounded blue eyes in front of him. “I made a mistake a long time ago, marrying that woman. Only good thing to come from my marriage was you and your brother. And I managed to screw that up, too.”
The three men stood in silence, warily looking at each other. “How about some coffee, Dad? I think we should talk.”
^^^^^^^^
The three Ellison men, with Blair acting as chaperone -or referee as Stephen had jokingly commented - met at the Country Club for brunch. Jim had talked with his brother, first by phone, and then over lunch. When Blair suggested they all get together, Jim had agreed. He was tired of fighting with his father and brother; realizing that he wasn’t willing to let go of his family now that he had them back in his life.
After eating, they moved to the bar area and took a table overlooking the tennis courts. Jim entertained Blair with a story about 11 year old Steven and his crush on the 22 year old tennis pro that had all four men shaking with laughter.
“Excuse me; is one of you James Ellison?” A tall, slender man with red blonde hair stood silently, his blue grey eyes raking the table.
“I’m Ellison,” Jim said standing, his body language radiating caution.
“I’m Richard Merriam. My mother, Grace, spoke with you recently about your time in Peru.”
Blair reached out a hand to stop Jim from swinging at the stranger, but was waved off. “Your mother sent you here on a wild goose chase. There will be no book.”
“Look, Mr. Ellison,” he was interrupted by William.
“Mr. Merriam, what your mother clearly failed to explain is that Jim is not interested in having this story told, and neither is the Army, for that matter. It was a tragic event – seven men died in the helicopter crash that stranded my son in the jungle. The fact he survived is a miracle. And it shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone that he has no desire to relive it. So please, leave him alone.”
“I can write the story without you,” the stranger said hesitantly, making it almost a question.
“If you’re big on fiction, be my guest,” Jim said, his predatory smile causing the younger man to take a step back. “Just be aware that any attempt to tie me to your book will land you in court. I don’t see how that would make your bosses very happy.”
“I don’t see what the big deal is.”
Stephen and Jim shared a long look, causing Blair to take a deep breath. “Sit down Mr. Merriam,” Stephen offered. “While my brother is not interested in sharing his story, and nothing you say will change that, believe me, once Jim makes up his mind, he won’t budge. But there is something else we would like to discuss with you.” The younger man sat down and looked expectantly at the two brothers.
“Mr. Merriam, Stevie and I…we’re your half brothers. Grace is our mother.”
Shocked eyes stared at everyone at the table. “You’re lying!” He struggled to spit the words out.
“No, he’s not. Grace and I were married for nine and a half years. She left when Jim was 8 and Stephen, 5. Stevie didn’t see her again until he was 16. Jim saw her for the first time in 30 years just recently.” Bill Ellison said, watching his two sons carefully.
“No!” Yet he couldn’t see anything but truth and sympathy in the eyes of the four men at the table. “How could she…why didn’t she…?”
“I’m sorry you had to find out this way. We learned about you when she showed up at my loft to talk about the book. My guess is she didn’t think I’d bother to tell you, but I think there have been enough secrets. And I’ve had enough of secrets to last me a lifetime –all they seem to do is hurt the people we care about.” Jim responded gently.
“Jim’s right, Richard. And I have to tell you, it’s kind of nice knowing that I’m not the youngest anymore. I always wanted a little brother to pick on,” Stephen added with a tentative smile.
The men talked for another hour before Richard had to leave. They exchanged phone numbers and email addresses before Bill Ellison walked him out. Stephen and Jim shared a long look. “It’s just never dull with you around, is it, big brother?” The younger man said, trying to hold back his laughter, but failing. Blair’s efforts not to join in failed, and the older man shook his head in surrender.
^^^^^^^^
“Jim, you okay?” Blair asked, joining his partner on the balcony later that evening. From the tilt of his head, Blair knew he was tracking something, so he put a hand on his arm to ground him.
“Hell if I know, Chief,” he said with a sigh as he slumped against the smaller man.
“Yeah, well look on the bright side,” Blair stopped at the glare that was thrown his way. “Okay, maybe I’m being a bit too optimistic, but she did manage to get you and your dad back on speaking terms; and you now have three half brothers to get to know. Hell, she doubled your family, and you didn’t even have to change diapers or babysit.”
“Yeah, she did that,” Jim answered, “I just…maybe sometimes not knowing is better after all.”
“No, Jim! What you said about secrets was right. I just wish your dad had been able to tell you 20 years ago. It might have changed things.”
“I don’t know about that, Chief. And I’m not sure it would have been any easier to take at 10 or 18. Now, it’s just ancient history. I can stop looking of her…and I have my family back. And I owe you for that, just like I owe you for my sanity. I’m not sure I could have dealt with all this without you. You’ve taught me so much. And what I can’t figure out on my own, I know you’ll help me with.” He pulled his Guide to his side with a one armed hug, and they stood watching the sun set over the bay.
~end~