New
Arrivals
Author-Lorelie
Titles
The Dreams That We Find In Life...
Are the Dreams We Tend to Seek
by Lorelie
This isn't so much a story as a conversation between Jim and Blair.
Note: Blair's feelings are kind of the same as mine as the new year approaches. 1999 has been a year of changes for me, both good and bad. I left a job I'd had for 12 years and took a new one at a brand new company. In August, I lost my mom suddenly. Two months later, my uncle passed away, and I lost an aunt in November.
Anyhow, I am determined that the new year-new century-new millenium will bring wonderful things for me, and that is my wish for all of you as well.
Happy New Year Everyone.
(and yes, the title of this story is also from a Trans Siberian Orchestra song for all you fans out there)
This story follows directly after the story I posted earlier this week, Dream Child, but you don't have to had read that one to follow this one.
Disclaimer: The Sentinel and all related characters are the property of Pet Fly Productions.
Jim Ellison took the last set of steps and reached the third floor landing of 852 Prospect, checking his watch. It read 5:50 PM. Not too bad, he thought to himself. He'd told Sandburg that he'd try and be home by 6:00, and he'd made it, even with stopping and picking up the pizza he'd ordered before he left the precint. He'd spent the last few days at the station working alone, with Blair still recovering from injuries he'd sustained when he'd been taking hostage on Christmas eve. The doctors had said that he'd be able to return to work on the third of January, which to Jim was not soon enough. The hours he had spent working without Blair had been long and tedious. He'd be glad when his energetic partner returned.
Opening the door to the loft, he extended his senses to find his friend, surprised when he realized that the young man was on the balcony. The night, like every night for the past week, was cold and snowy. Then again, if he really thought about it, it really shouldn't surprise him. Blair had been restless for the past couple of nights, tossing and turning in bed, up and wandering about the loft at all hours of the night. No matter how quiet his roommate tried to be, the Sentinel's enhanced hearing always heard the movements below him. Each night, Jim had gotten up and joined his friend, afraid that Blair was feeling worse from the concussion and bruised ribs that he has sustained during the incident a week ago. Each time Blair had apologized for waking him, stating he was fine. Knowing that the Sentinel needed to be to work the next day, Blair had suggested he use the white noise generator, but Jim had rejected the idea. With Sandburg's assurances he was feeling okay, the older man attributed his friend's restlessness to cabin fever, since the young man hadn't been out of the apartment much in the past week. Regardless, something was bothering his partner, and somehow, he felt better if he could hear Blair if he needed him.
Placing the pizza on the countertop, he moved toward the balcony doors, noticing that Blair stood there dressed only in sweatpants and a flannel shirt.
Aw, kid, come on, what are you doing? It's the 31st of December, you'll catch your death of cold out there. Jim thought, grabbing Blair's coat off the hook.
Coming to stand next to his partner, he handed him his jacket. "Hey Chief, do me a favor will you? Next time you decide to go stargazing, take this with you?"
Taking the coat, Blair gave the older man a grateful smile. "Thanks man, it is kind of nippy out here, isn't it?"
"Well it is December, I think it's suppose to be cold out here."
"Yeah, I guess." Blair responded, "Hey, you made it home on time. Aw, man, I'm sorry. I planned on having the plates and stuff out so we could eat the pizza while it was still warm. I came out here for some fresh air, kinda clear my head. I guess I lost track of time."
Placing a hand on Blair's shoulder, Jim turned the young man to look at him. "Don't worry about it, we can always reheat it. Right now I'd rather find out what's up with you. You've been acting odd for the past few days. Even Connor noticed when she stopped by on Tuesday." Smiling he said, "You should have heard the browbeating she gave me today because she thinks I did something to upset you. I still don't think she believes my protestations of innocence."
The smile faded. "I mean, I am right, aren't I? I don't think I did anything to piss you off, did I?"
"God no Jim. It's not you."
"Then what is it then? The truth is, you're starting to scare me here, Chief. I've known you for close to four years now, and I've never seen you like this. And we've been through some pretty rough times."
Turning back to look out over the city, Blair sighed. "I don't know exactly what it is. I've been trying to put my finger on it myself. I know I've been pretty lousy company the past few days."
Placing his hand on Blair's shoulder, and giving it a squeeze, Jim said. "Hey no matter what kind of mood you're in, you're never lousy company. But maybe it'll help if you talk about it. That's what you're always telling me, isn't it?"
"Sure, now you prove that you're listening to me." Continuing, he said, " I don't know really, I guess it started a couple of days after Christmas. I hadn't heard from my mom, so I gave her a call."
"You said you were going to. What happened?"
"We ended up in a huge fight and she hung up on me."
"Fight? About what?" Jim asked.
"Everything, you name it."
"I don't get it, Chief, the two of you usually get along great. And when you do have a misunderstanding, you work it out in some kind of new wave 'water under the bridge' thing."
Frowning, Blair looked back out over the city, "Not this time, things just haven't been the same between us since the whole dissertation thing."
"God Sandburg, that was months ago" Jim said.. "Naomi really doesn't strike me as the kind of person who would hold onto guilt for that long."
"Oh it's not really guilt Jim. She's still having a hard time with the fact that I'm a cop."
"What?" Jim asked, incredulous. "But she was fine with the idea when Simon and I talked to her about it before we made the offer to you."
"That was the guilt. She still felt bad about what she had done, and couldn't think of any other way of making it right. But now she's had time to think about it. Talked about it with her friends, and decided it's not such a great idea. She knows that all I ever talked about for years was getting my Ph.D. Now...well she thinks that I sold myself out."
"No disrespect to your mother, but it's really her fault that you don't have your Doctorate. If she hadn't sent the dissertation off to her friend in New York, well..."
Blair gave Jim a rueful smile. "Truth is Jim, it's not all her fault, we all made mistakes there. But the point is there's nothing we can do about it now. It's over and done with." A sigh, "And I've moved on, to another life."
"I'm sorry about your mom Chief. I guess I can see how that would upset you at the holidays."
"It's not just that Jim. I mean, Mom and I have spent a lot of holidays apart. It's just, I don't know. I guess it's just everything. I mean it's the end of another year, man. Hell, the end of the century."
Turning to Jim, he asked. "When you were a kid in school, do you ever remember your teachers talking about the end of the millennium?"
Giving him a confused look, the older man responded, "Not that I can recall, why?"
"Well, I do. I can always remember one of my favorite teachers talking about the end of the century, and where did we think we would be at that time. I gotta tell you, man. I did not think that I'd be standing on a cold balcony outside a third floor loft in Cascade, Washington. I always figured I'd be some place exotic, or maybe in Times Square."
"Is this place really so bad, Blair?" Jim couldn't help the hurt in his voice.
"Oh no Jim, don't misunderstand me. I also never dreamed that I'd be welcoming in the New Year with an honest to God Sentinel either. More importantly, with someone who had become like a brother to me. It's just that I can't help thinking sometimes about how much my life has changed. And how this is so not like I had envisioned my life would be like."
Quietly, Jim asked, "Do you regret it?"
Turning to look at him, Blair said. "What? The life I have now? Of course not. Working with you is great. And being a cop isn't as bad as I thought it would be, I gotta admit there are days when I really enjoy it. To be honest, it would be kind of hard to go back to the life I had before. And I've met some great people and made some good friends, like Simon and Joel and the rest of the group at the station. But I'd be lying if I said that I don't sometimes stop and think about my life before, both before the dissertation thing, and before I even met you, and the way my life was heading before, or at least the way I thought it was heading."
Putting his arm around Blair's shoulder, Jim said. "When I think about it, I guess I never figured that'd I'd be welcoming in the year 2000 sitting home, drinking beer and eating pizza. But now that it's here, I'll admit that there's really nothing else I'd rather be doing."
Snaking his arm around Jim's back, Blair replied, "You know, I think someone once said that there are no bad choices in life, just opportunities. I'm glad my life lead me to you, and yours led you to me."
"Amen to that, Chief, amen to that."
FINIS