New
Arrivals
Author-Starzy
Titles
Revenge is Sweet
Part One
by Starzy
Summary: After enduring a horrible barely remembered night Sandburg grimly tracks down his assailants. Warnings: nongraphic rape, language, adult discussions of rape. Rated a strong R.
Disclaimer: Jim, Blair, Simon, Rafe, Brown and The Sentinel belong to Pet Fly, UPN, and Paramount and no copyright infringement is intended
Notes: Not beta'd; mistakes are all mine. This was partially posted to the Sentinel Angst list, after several months I finally finished. Could be part of a series, at the very least a part two.
Feedback: I wouldn't mind but I do not answer back so it's up to you.
"Good morning cascade, it's a bright and lovely day out there. Time to rise and shi…" a resounding thud ended the hellishly cheerful radio jockey. ‘Man I have got to find a better morning station' Blair thought irritably, ‘maybe one that plays funeral music, it'll sure fit how I feel.'
He grimaced as the room tilted slightly ‘gods and I'm not even moving yet' taking a couple of deep breaths seemed to help slightly but his head and stomach still told him getting vertical was a bad idea. ‘Come on Simon would have a cow if your late, and then Jim would find out and he'd lecture about partying on a work night.'
Groaning pitifully, the green tinged young man staggered upright and lurched toward the bathroom. ‘Ho man forget what I said about not using my gun, I wanna shoot myself.' Striping off his grimy slept in cloths he frowned when his hands encountered no boxers ‘Hmm must have REALLY partied…. What the heck did I do last night?'
He looked blearily in the mirror; glazed bloodshot eyes stared back offering no clues. Turning the shower to full hot he hoped to burn away the fogginess in his head ‘ok I remember the bar waiting for Mary and… and.' He gasped as the hot water hit his body the pounding in his head quickly became agonizing. Gritting his teeth he put his hand out for support then gasped and snatched it back at the sharp pain coming from his palm. ‘What the?' He looked bewildered at the deep slash along his right hand ‘how the heck did I get this?' Concerned now he looked carefully over the rest of his body and noted the bruises, painful scratches, and what looked like deep scabbed over bite marks.
"Oh man, oh man" he sank to the floor of the tub heart beating rapidly in time with the pounding in his head. A dull ache radiating from his back to his bottom sent a wave of bewildered apprehension through his battered body that was quickly advancing towards panic.
"What the hell happened?"
…………………………………………
"You honor the witness is deliberately confusing the question…" The defense attorney droned on.
Jim Ellison took a deep breath and relaxed his jaw; he was use to his dentist complaining about the stress he put on his molars. But now his partner got on the bandwagon ever since he saw the dental bill, and no one nagged like his friend is full Guide mode.
He glared at the overblown lawyer, at this pace it would be days before he testified. He considered slipping out to call Sandburg; he still needed to ream the kid for worrying him last night. He shivered remembering the terrifying nightmare that woke him out of a sound sleep. Images of a chained wolf, dazed frightened, surrounded by a pack of jackals that bit and slashed at the poor creature still haunted him. When phone rang only minutes after waking in a cold sweat he was certain Simon was on the line to tell him that his partner was in the hospital, missing or worse dead. But instead of Simon it was Blair's supposed date for the night bitching royally about being stood up. That and the nightmare sent his blessed protector instincts into over drive. After trying Blair's cell phone several times he finally went out looking, ‘shouldn't have bothered' he thought irritably. When he stalked back to the loft fully intending on putting an APB out on his missing roommate he discovered said missing roommate passed out drunk on his bed.
‘Hangings to good for him… burnings to good for him… he should be torn into little bits… and then buried alive!' He chanted, then snickered silently, 'god' he thought 'I must be out of it if I'm quoting the worst movie Sandburg ever made me watch.
He winced as the judge banged his gavel loudly telling to rambling defense attorney to quite stalling the proceedings and get to the point. Yep it was going to be one of those trials, hope the judge puts a muzzle on the asshole. With a weary sigh he settled back and amused himself with what sort of revenge could he wreak on his inconsiderate friend.
……………………………………
Ice cold water brought him back from the panic that raved through his mind, startled he looked upwards at the freezing stream, hot water long since departed. ‘Shit how long?' Taking a couple deep breaths Blair shut off the water then slowly staggered to his feet and stepped shivering from the shower; quickly he toweled dry steadfast ignoring the waking pain from the numerous small wounds. Smudged red marks on Jim's pristine white towel almost brought back the mind numbing fear he had snapped out of earlier. Almost as an afterthought he snagged a plastic bag from under the sink then placed the towel and his clothes inside and sealed it tightly. He looked dazedly at the extremely pale stranger in the mirror, ‘coffee' he thought ‘coffee and things will make sense.' The stranger in the mirror nodded sage in agreement.
Making a quick dash for his room he stashed the bag under his bed then gathered up fresh cloths to wear. He tried to ignore the fear and confusion coursing though his mind and body, What happened to him? How did he get these marks? Why did he hide his cloths? Why Goddamit was he so scared. Frustration gnawed at his fragile self control, routine became his salvation, coffee, and paper but skipping the algae shake was the only part changed. Work would be the next salvation; typing a couple mindless reports would help push this morning out of his mind hopefully forever. Quickly he made his way to the front door yanking his leather jacket off the hook; he let out an embarrassing yelp when a bag hidden under his jack fell to the floor with a loud clatter. Hesitant, hands shaking he slowly bent down retrieving the plain plastic bag, inside was videotape; he swallowed thickly at the title.
PLAY ME LOVERBOY
‘Shit, this is stupid Sandburg why the hell are you so scared?' he scolded himself, ‘I probably had a great time with some girl and she left this as a memento.' But his body told him otherwise as the calm he worked so hard for shattered, and the terror returned doubled. Breathing in quick harsh gasps he made his way to the VCR, turned on the TV and slammed the tape in and prayed these reactions was his vivid imagination working overtime.
Light cruel feminine laughter drove him to his knees and echoed harshly through his dazed brain. He'd heard that laughter before, somewhere recently, somewhere his unconscious mind had been trying desperately to keep hidden from him. A moan of denial crawled its way from his throat; pictures flickered before him putting hooded figures to the laughter. He watched with dull horror his own drugged restrained body jerking helplessly as one of the figures caressed his chest with her long claw like nails then savagely slashed across his ribs leaving long bloody furors, a dull ache on his sides echoed that pain.
He wasn't sure how long he watched, the ghastly images seemed to blur before him as his mind shut down protecting itself. Awareness returned when he could no longer hear the laughter or the slurred pleading from the deathly still form tied to the bed. God it wasn't what it looked like, it couldn't be, he was a man for god's sake and they were obviously women, they can't do that to men. He remembered back in the early days of his observing listening to a group of officers and a few men from Major Crimes laughing about some guy who tried to make a rape complaint against his female date, he had been laughed out of the station. So maybe he'd gotten drunk and agreed to this, it didn't matter that he could clearly hear himself saying "no" and "please stop" repetedly on the tape, it didn't matter the bruises on his wrist and ankles from his struggles with the restraints. He must have encountered some rough playing crowd, and his old damnable anthro curiosity took it from there, god knows it got him in other disasters before. Ok he could deal, this never happened, it was just a bad bender, he couldn't remember that much anyway and what he could WILL be forgotten, but first he had to destroy the tape. Pale and shaken he staggered to his feet and reached for the VCR but a sharp cry jerked his hand back from the eject button. He glanced back to the screen unable to stop from watching the end of this televised nightmare. Two of the figures were holding his arm as a third brought a shining knife against his palm viciously making a deep slash, he could hear a whimpering moan coming from the mostly unconscious form on the bed. He swallowed back the bile as the third female figure came into the picture and patted his head gently.
"There, there lover, don't tell me we wore you out." Mocking laughter "Its ok it'll be over soon." Taking the knife she made a matching cut on her own hand and with great deliberateness grasp his and rubbed the two wounds together in a sickly erotic fashion, the camera zoomed in for a close-up of the two hands blood dripping mingling together. Then it paned upward to rest on her black leather masked face, holes cut for her eyes and mouth showed little expression, 'green eyes' he thought dully 'she has green eyes.'
"Hey Loverboy your everything peoples said about you and more" she smiled and made kissing motions at the camera.
"Yea like the energizer rabbit… keeps going and going" harsh giggles came from the camera operator "We girls sure appreciate your endurance Loverboy."
"Hush I'm talking" warning clear in her eyes "as I was saying you deserve a little reward for how…" she smiled coldly "Satisfied we all are." Slowly she brought his bloody hand to her lips kissing them both staining her lips ruby red. "I'm giving you a little present Loverboy something I've had with me for a long time now." She opened her hand and licked both of their cuts, blood dribbled down her leather-clad chin. "Welcome to my world Loverboy, hope you enjoy it just as MUCH" she hissed "as I have."
He blinked as the picture wobbled then swung quickly to the end table and zoomed in on a paper resting there. An obviously official form letter with marked out company logos came into focus, the twin snake medical symbol displayed in the corner. Most of the words were to small to read, but the highlighted ones shown clearly amidst the technical data.
-Positive for HIV-
………………………………
Dr. Philip's threw his hands up in defeat "Fine Detective Sandburg but I still think your hurting your chances of conviction if you don't go through normal channels." Reluctantly he gave the young man the rape kit that he insisted be preformed before any treatments.
Blair gave a halfhearted shrug careful not to look him in the face "Doctor I don't remember anything so the chances of conviction are just about nil anyway. How soon will I get the answer on the blood tests?"
"I'll have the drug screening done by tomorrow at the latest, as for the HIV test you should get the results in a couple of weeks. You'll have to get tested every three months for a year and a half to be sure, the lab at the PD may be faster. Your best bet though would be to find these people and get them tested." He looked sympathetically "Your sure one of them was positive?"
The young man looked anywhere but the doctor in front of him in a strained voice he replied "It was on the tape I told you about, they held up a form letter that said positive for HIV. But the ID Number and letter heads were blanked out so no help there."
The doctor shook his head unable to understand the cruelty of this act; "There was evidence of penetration and internal bruising but no tears or semen, which is unusual for a male to male rape, If it weren't for the HIV threat I'd say you were pretty lucky."
Sandburg fidgeted refusing to meet the doctor's eyes; "it wasn't men it was women."
The doctor stared at the pale young man "WOMEN?" he said incredulously "They did this?"
"Now you know why I said the rape kit was a waste of time, I just want to talk to them about the HIV threat everything else…" He looked ill for a moment caught between horror and humiliation "Everything else doesn't matter."
Dr. Philips eyed his patient uncertain how to respond, thinking it would be lest awkward he put on his best professional face. "Ok you have numerous cuts, gouges and bite marks that will have to be kept clean, the human mouth is a very dirty place. The slash on your hand didn't damage any of the tendons just keep the stitches clean and they'll dissolve on there own" He handed the young man several prescriptions "Fill these and follow them to the letter. Even though you said they were women there was evidence of penetration, I guess they umm…. Umm…" He looked flustered then continued. "You strained several muscles in your back and arms so go easy, tell your Captain I said to take a couple days off stay at home I'm guess you may need some uh… counseling, and you know no sex if you don't want to endanger your partner or partners." He studied the pale sweating form sitting before him "at least it was women so it cant be that bad, I've heard some men needing surgery from something like this. If it weren't for the HIV I'd say you're lucky it wasn't a real rape with guys."
Blair nodded in agreement, not a real rape; he was just over reacting. Right now he had to pull back and get that professional detachment his partner was always harping about. "Yeah pretty lucky doc." He avoided the doctors out stretched hand and made his way towards the door then paused. "Doctor could you keep your ears open for any other incidents like mine, I know it can't be used in court but if I can get a lead on these girls and confirm the HIV test it would really help."
'He hasn't looked me in the eye since he got here, was it really that bad? Heck most men fantasize about a group of women all at once even if they were a little rough.' "Well I can't break the doctor patient confidentiality, but I'll see what I can do." He shook his head after the Detective left 'some people should learn not to play with fire, or at least find better playmates.'
……………………………………
THREE DAYS LATER:
'At last the wonderful bullpen, and my beautiful desk'
"ELLISON MY OFFICE"
'And my beautiful loud Captain, god its great to be back' Jim smiled at his startled co-workers 'bet their thinking to check for pods' he sniggered. Extending his hearing he was disappointed to find only Simon's heartbeat, damn no Blair. After not seeing his extremely busy roommate the last couple of days he was hoping to meet him at the office.
"SOME TIME TODAY ELLISON"
'Someone must have snuck in decaf hey Simon?' he strolled into the darkened office eyeing the irritated Captain as he shut the door.
"Jim what the hell is going on with Sandburg?" asked Simon frustration seething from every word.
Ellison blinked in confusion "Captain I haven't seen hide nor hair of Sandburg what with the trial and the extra work load you've given him, he left a note a couple of days ago saying not to worry, I was hoping to see him today."
Now is was Simons turn for a confused look "extra work load? I haven't assigned him any extra work. Hell no ones hardly seen him for three days, no reports, no paper work, doesn't answer any of my messages. Its like he's off doing his own thing and ignoring his job, I'm this close to putting out an APB on him so I would appreciate if you would find your partner and tell him to pull his head out of his butt and get to work. He's not a grad student anymore, taking off on a whim may have been tolerated at the university but here is a different mater, I hope you will make this clear to him Detective."
Jim didn't think that was entirely fair, sure Blair was absent from the university often but it was mostly helping himself and CPD. However one look at the glowering Captain he decided not to point out this fact, at least until later. "Sure Simon I'll take care of it" He paused cocking his head then smiled as he heard the distinct sounds of his roommate making his way up to Major Crimes "In fact I'll take care of it right now, no need to worry I'll make sure it wont happen again." Hoping Simon would trust him to take care of his partner's absentmindedness he quickly left the office.
…………………………………………
Blair trudged through the department winding up his way to Major Crimes ; exhaustion bent his slight frame and dragged his feet each step. The last three days have been utter hell for the young Detective, little to no sleep, nightmares, the thought of food nauseating, avoiding both Jim and his irritated Captain, all in all he felt like death warmed over and it was a good bet he looked even worse. The only thing keeping him going was the investigation of his own assault, Sandburg wished he could ask for help, any kind of help. But then he'd have to come clean with everything; he cringed at the imagined disdain from Jim, Simon and the guys. He could hear them laughing if they saw the tape 'how many times have I told you about that tableleg Sandburg…. FIVE women Hairboy? You dog you…. Detective you're a member of the CPD now so try and curb your more exotic past times.'
He swallowed past the lump that had take up a permanent residence in his throat. If they didn't believe him with the Brad Ventriss affair they sure wouldn't believe he didn't want what happened to him, heck he wasn't sure he hadn't asked for it some how. It didn't matter anyway, all he had to do was find them confirm or deny the HIV allegation. If it was false then he would forget it all bury it so deep he'd never remember again. If it's true… he shut his eyes tightly fighting the scream that had been clawing at him since this all started. Taking deep calming breaths he managed to find that fragile center that been keeping him going these few days. Leave… he would have to leave, no way would he risk Jim or the others from his own stupidity. Some how some way this was all his fault, he deserved it was the impression he had gotten from those girls, either he asked for it or maybe he had dated them and never called them back, there were so many he'd never called back, all his fault. 'Enough of this Blair pull yourself together and get to work!' he berated himself.
At least his bouts of idiocy hadn't stopped him from painstakingly retracing his steps, talking to the people that had last seen him on that fateful night had paid off, he had a name and hopefully an address with a rap sheet once he ran it through the computer. If all went well he'd have his life back soon and the last few days would be nothing more than a bad dream.
Wearily he made his way to his desk not noticing the shocked concern from his fellow coworkers. Taking the tape from his coat he stared at hateful title then carefully placed it in the bottom drawer 'out of sight out of mind, yea right.' Facing forward he rubbed his tied eyes as they tried to focus on the too bright computer screen. 'Ok Lisa B. who are you and why do you hate me?' he started typing when he felt someone tugging his hair, instantly he flashed on hands grabbing his hair yanking hard, the sound of laughter echoed in his ears along with his own moans of pain.
"NOOO" he shouted, blindly striking back at the hateful touch, laughter he could still hear the laughter. God he had to make them stop he had his gun this time, this time he would make it stop!
"Blair?"
The soft shocked voice jerked him back to reality; he blinked as Jim's face swam into focus. Dimly he realized he was holding a gun on his own partner who was siting on the floor rubbing his jaw as if in pain, the entire Major Crimes froze stunned at their newest Detective's crazed actions. "Jim wha…?" Shaking he reholstered his weapon and helped his bewildered partner off the floor.
"Sandburg what the hell…" Simon angry shouts stuttered to a halt at the look of utter dismay and confusion on the young mans face. "Gentlemen my office" he stepped aside sharply motioning them forward. Blair first like a dead man walking, Jim hovering closely behind his troubled friend. The Captain raked his gaze over the bull pen no one had moved but the looks of shock and concern echoed in everyone's faces as they watched the two men enter the office. "Back to work everyone," he said firmly conveying confidence to his men that he him self didn't feel.
…………………………………………
"Gentlemen would you care to explain that little scene I saw before I throw the book at Detective Sandburg."
Ellison looked helplessly at the Captain he'd been trying to talk to his partner but so far the young man had refused to speak to him instead he seemed to find the floor strangely fascinating. "Chief come on buddy what's going on" his frown deepened when he scanned him with his senses. Blood, old blood, a sharp sour scent of infection, heartbeat fast and faintly uneven, breathing hitched, deep circles under swollen glazed eyes, and a trembling that was growing stronger with every passing moment.
"Blair are you ok? Are you hurt?" he asked with growing concern.
"Jim drop it man, I'm sorry about the gun I haven't been sleeping well lately and things are a little cloudy you know. Captain I'm sorry about everything, whatever you want to do to me is fine, its just been a bad day" He looked from his friend to his Captain, eyes silently begging them to not to ask questions and let it go.
"Jim may let this go Sandburg but I as your Captain don't have that luxury, now I want to know what the hell's wrong with you, where have you been the last three days?" irritation seeping into his voice despite the concern he felt.
"Working Captain Banks" he responded in a sullen voice eyes once again inspecting the floor.
"Is that so Detective? You were aware that reports are a part of that work I'm sure you got a hint of that in the last four years here." He glared at the insolent man, one thing he couldn't abide to was disrespect. "Sandburg your part of this department now, wasting your time on whatever strikes your fancy may have worked before but its not going to work here! You have responsibilities to your partner, myself, and the rest of the department." He paused; each word he spoke Blair grew more ashen. Christ it looked like the kid was going to pass out, he continued a little softer "Detective get your act together Jim needs you to pull your own weight here he can't always be there for you, do you understand?"
Blair stared, he could hear the words but couldn't seem to understand what was being said, 'gotta say something' he shook his head slightly trying to clear the haze. Intense pain throbbed from his right hand; shit he'd forgotten to change the bandage, it was important for some reason. "Um… I gotta go, forgot something, sorry."
"Wait a minuet Chief we're not done here." Jim watched as his partner ignored him and start for the door "dammit Sandburg." Frustration boiling over he grabbed the young mans hand and pulled him roughly back towards his seat.
"DON"T TOUCH ME!" he screamed pulling violently way, ripping the dirty bandage from his hand, agonizing pain shot through his arm, the room tilted and rolled beneath him.
Jim grabbed his Guide, both of them sinking to the floor, "Its ok buddy calm down let me see." He gently examined the hand grimacing at the blood and puss streaming from the wound. A handkerchief appeared in front of him, he spared a brief grateful smile at Simon and pressed the cloth tightly over the wound, blood soaked through instantly staining his own hands.
"I've got the ambulance on its way."
"You're getting to quick with that Simon"
'The Captain smiled grimly "had to much practice over the last few years, how's he doing"
Jim glanced down at the nearly unconscious form "Nasty infection on his hand look like a knife wound must have popped the stitches. From the looks of thing I don't think he's slept, eaten for the last couple of days got a fever to, shit Simon don't you have any idea what happened to him?"
"Now hold on Jim like I've said we haven't seen the kid for days so I haven't a clue what's happening."
A low moan brought their attention back to the man lying between them he looked about bewildered.
"Jim? Man what's going on?" he struggled to sit up.
"Relax Blair your pretty sick" the tall Captain laid a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Blair how did you get cut? Did someone hurt you?"
"Shit it hurts" he shuddered "They did it, think they thought I deserved it." His voice slurred, "Jim I'm not a bad person am I? I don't know why they did it, maybe I asked for it, don't know can't remember."
Jim exchanges alarmed looks with Simon; their friend was confused and slightly delirious. "Yea chief you're a good person, one of the best, who are they? Why did they hurt you?"
The questions seemed to bring the young man out of his stupor; alarmed he pulled away from Jim's arms. "Hey let go I'm ok man let me…" he froze staring in horror at Jim's hands holding the bloody cloth over his wound.
"No. No. No." Fear for his Sentinel created a surge of strength, scrambling to his feet fighting the well-meaning hands trying to hold him down. "NO! We gotta wash it off man NOW!"
Kicking the tall Captain away Blair managed to free himself, Academy training came back with a rush as he seized Jim's arm twisting it behind the astonished older Detective and pushed him out the office. Startled colleagues gaped as he manhandled his partner through the bullpen, and slammed through the bathroom door shoving him towards a sink.
"Wash your hands man, wash them NOW!" the last word rising into a desperate shout.
A shock Ellison stared appalled at his demented friend, someone must have drugged him again. That's the only explanation either that or… NO! It had to be drugs, Blair was to strong willed for any mental illness. Cautiously he stepped forward arms spread slightly away from his sidearm, he could reach him, he'd done it before pulling the terrified young man back from his nightmare hallucinations with the drug golden, he could sure as hell do it again.
First step was Blair's gun "Chief its ok, relax" he took another step forward. "Just calm down and let me help."
"Goddamit Jim if you don't clean your hands I'll shoot you myself" glaring in frustration Sandburg rested his hand on his holstered weapon to emphasize his statement.
Simon stepped quietly into the bathroom, his breath caught as he noted the stance of the two men. Glancing back he could see the entire Major Crimes crew crowding around the door with various look of concern and bafflement on their faces. "Joel watch the door don't let anyone in, I called an ambulance about five minutes ago cancel it for now.
The older man nodded in acknowledgment "Help them Simon"
Taking a deep breath he shut the door behind him "I always do."
The Jim spared his Captain a quick glanced, relief visible in his eyes as Simon slowly approached the distraught man copying Ellison's non-threatening body language. "Sandburg you're worrying a lot of friends out there not to mention two friends in here, why don't you tell us what's going on… Let us help son."
Blair felt like he was about to explode, body shaking, pain and fear sending jolts of adrenaline through his fatigued body. "Son of a bitch no ones listening to me" taking a deep breath he made a conscious effort to calm himself "Jim please man wash my blood off your hands, I'm begging you here. Simon if you care at all for Jim you'll get the rubbing alcohol from the medkit and disinfect his hands." The twin looks of perplexity almost sent him over the edge, "PLEASE!"
Simon gave Jim a questioning look the tall Detective jerked his head in acquiescent then walked back to the sink and began washing his hands vigorously. Simon pulled out the rubbing alcohol and gauze bandages, which he tossed to Blair who caught them gratefully, then joined Ellison, and carefully under Sandburg's watchful gaze they cleaned and disinfected Jim's bloody hands.
Blair walked over keeping far enough away that they couldn't touch him "Let me see them" he carefully looked over his Sentinels hands, he could see no cuts or scratches where his blood could have infected his best friend. He let out a shaky sigh of relief; the whole world seemed to sway slightly under his feet. Jim reached out to steady him only to have Blair shied away stumbling back till he met the wall. There he shut his eyes and leaned against the wonderfully unmoving tiles.
"Sorry guys" his voice cracked out, clearing his throat he continued a bit clearer "It's been a very bad week… Captain can I just go home for a little while? You guys can kill me later." Slowly he rebandaged his wound; no way he was going to risk infecting anyone else
"Chief no ones going anywhere till you tell us what's going on" From the way Blair was acting he has a suspicion, he prayed to god he was wrong.
"Son you don't have to face this alone, talk to us."
Blair stared at his wounded hand, this little cut he could tell them about, not the rest of the humiliation. "I… I was assaulted…"
"Who assaulted you Detective? Why didn't you report it?"
Sandburg flinch his eyes haunted, "I was trying to find that out sir"
"Chief what else? Why did you want me to wash off your blood?"
God why wouldn't they just leave him alone? It felt like he was being sucked down a deep dark hole filled with exhaustion and pain. "The… The perps left a tape behind suggesting one of them was HIV positive." He gestured at his wounded palm "it showed the perp cutting my hand and his then rubbing them together, I think the intent was pretty clear." He kept his eyes downward not wanting to see the looks of shock or worse contempt.
"God Blair" Jim ached to hold his friend, now he understood the terror he must have felt when he saw his blood on his Sentinels hands. What the hell happened? Why didn't he tell him? He tired to swallow the lump forming in his throat, HIV? 'God please no, we've just now started on the right track please don't take him from me now' he begged silently. Taking a deep breath he pushed down the horror that his Guide may have a killer virus, "Blair do you know who did this?"
"Yea I got a name I was going to check it out on the computer"
Banks was confused, worried and irritated, making a conscious effort to keep his voice low he repeated his earlier question "Sandburg this is very serious WHY didn't you report this"
Blair slowly sunk to the floor, he waved Ellison back from helping him putting his head between his knees he sighed this wasn't going to be good. "Sir it wouldn't matter cause I'm not going to press charges, I just want to find them and confirm or deny the HIV results, that's all."
The Captain frowned at these words, what the hell was wrong? He'd seen plenty of testimony of this young mans courage it was hard to believe he would duck out of the responsibilities that Simon had worked so hard to get for him. "I don't think so, I am your commanding officer and this is a crime. We solve crimes and put away the perpetrators of those crimes am I right DETECTIVE!" Sandburg was conspicuously silent, it made Simon want to go up and shake some sense into the stubborn man.
There was something else something his partner wasn't telling them, no way would he let this go unless… "Blair I saw you put a video tape in your desk, was that the tape you were talking about?"
Sandburg's head shot up; alarm flickered across his worn face then settled into calm mask. "No man I burned it, that's just some old evidence I was reviewing."
Banks glared at the young man, lying about a crime he hated almost worse that disrespect. "Well Detective if its old evidence then you won't mind us looking at it will you." With that he wheeled around ignoring the gasp of dismay behind him. Stalking back to the bullpen he scattering a large group of Detectives that was hovering outside the door. Stopping at Sandburg's desk he quickly looked through the drawers till he discovered the tape, his eyes narrowed at the title. Dammit if this was some porno movie…
"Don't touch me" Blair shouted as he stumbled into the bullpen avoiding his co-workers that were trying to help him, Jim right behind ready to catch him if he fell no mater what Sandburg wanted. "Simon please man don't I'm begging you don't do this, just ignore everything I said. I'll accept any punishment you see fit, just please PLEASE let this go."
The Captain took a good looked at his Detective… no… friend yes his friend. His angry glare softened as he took in the young mans tattered form, hair dirty, cloths that looked like he slept in them for days, dark circles under his pleading eyes, his whole body shaking with barely suppressed emotion as he clutched his bandaged hand. He glanced at Ellison he could practically see the war fighting inside the Sentinel, help his friend and grant his wishes to let this go, or find these perps and punish them for daring to hurt his Guide. Well this wasn't Jim's choice, as Captain it was his command decision "Blair you were assaulted this has to be investigated son you know this, its not just about you, help us catch these men so no one else can be there victim."
Numb realization came over Sandburg, it was all over. He could feel everything dying, so cold, god he was so cold inside. Nothing mattered now once they see the spectacle he made of himself on that blasted tape this roller coaster ride would finely be over. 'Maybe is for the best if I was stupid enough to let this happen then I'm to stupid to be Jim's partner.' Slowly he pulled out his gun and looked at the dull metal surface, the same weapon he'd pulled on his partner earlier.
"Blair put it down" Jim pleaded in a soft voice, ready to grab it if he made any threatening moves. His Guide stared at him eyes dead, then carefully placed the gun on his desk. But his relief was short lived as his partner pulled out the gold badge they had worked so had to get for him and placed it beside the weapon, then walked out the bullpen. "Chief wai…"
Sandburg made a shape violent slashing motion "NO! Don't stop me, don't follow me, everyone just stay the hell way." Dull glints of anguish flickered across his face. "I don't work here any more." Then left behind his friends for he was sure the last time.
Jim's eyes narrowed as he watch his friend leave, NO this was not going to happen. He'd make his partner listen or else he'd tie him to a pole till some sense seeped back into that knowledge clogged brain of his, grabbing his coat he started to follow his stubborn and hurting Guide.
"Ellison, Joel my office now"
"Simon" growled the frustrated Sentinel.
"Detective!" the Captain emphasized "you don't harass a victim till you finish looking at the evidence." He held up the tape "Lets see what this is about first." A moment of silence then relief as Ellison stomped into his office followed by an extremely anxious Taggert. "Alright everyone back to work and keep this quiet the last thing Sandburg or Ellison need is more publicity." He watch with no small amount of pride as his men went back to their work but not before making it clear that they would do anything they could for their Captain and Major Crimes most unusual partnership. Steeling himself for what was promising to be an unpleasant experience he entered his office and shut the door.
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Ellison quietly opened the door to the loft; he could hear Blair going through his small room cursing occasionally in a low wretched voice. Tossing his keys into the basket he stood still for a second taking deep breaths, he needed to be calm for his partner, Blair's actions in the bullpen was ample proof the young man wasn't thinking clearly. Of course after seeing the tape, he shuddered slightly no one could have thought clearly after enduring that kind of torture. Both his and Simon's reactions were one of shock, embarrassment, then slow growing horror as they watched the movie unfold. Joel however was barely suppressed rage; there were a couple of moments it looked like the older man was going to have an apoplexy. When the tape finally ended all three men were slightly ill but the anger was under control. Simon had ordered him to find his partner and take him to the loft both Joel and he would be by later to talk sense into their friend. Another vicious curse burst from the small room, and right behind it came the ragged figure of his Guide, a full backpack in one hand and a over flowing duffel bag in the other. They both freeze at the sight of one another; a small bitter smile pasted itself on Blair's lips.
"Hey man, how'd you like the show?" not waiting for an answer he drops the two bags on the floor and returned to his room.
Jim follows stopping at the French doors "Chief."
Blair whirls around eyes blazing "NO!" he said emotion seething from that one word. "I don't want to hear it, I don't need to hear about the table leg, or how disgusted you all were, what can I say except you were right and I got what I deserved. I'm going to be out of here in 30 minutes and you won't ever have to see my sorry ass ever again." Turning his back on the bewildered Sentinel he grabbed the other duffel bag and began stuffing it with anything he could reach.
Pain tore at his heart with every harsh shame filled word his Guide uttered, he had to make him see this wasn't his fault, no mater what it was at the beginning no one deserved what happened on that tape. He stepped into the room "Blair" he began.
Blair interrupts "I know ok, I know how stupid I was, you know what the worst thing is?" he let out a sharp hollow laugh "I can hardly remember anything." He stoped packing for a moment and looked at his bandaged hand. "If I have to pay for the sin at least I should remember enjoying it so fucking much." He glances up at Jim's appalled face "Just another part of the Sandburg charm right? Had them eating out of my hand didn't I?" A sob escaped his lips he closes his eyes tightly fighting for control "To bad one of them had teeth huh?" Ignoring his flustered friend he continued packing his motions getting more violent and frenzied with each passing second. In his haste he grabbed a book jostling a delicate clay figurine making it crash to the floor breaking into a million pieces. Blair froze for a moment then his hands slowly clenched into fists a low moan dragged its way from the depths of his tortured soul as he stared at the shattered figuring broken state that seemed to reflect his life now. With a shout of rage he grabbed his desk chair and began beating it against his bookcase, clay and glass shattering everywhere.
"BLAIR STOP!" Jim shouted, but his roommate was beyond reason as he watched him destroy all his prized artifacts and possessions. He ducked as the mangled chair flew past him shattering the French doors; paper flew everywhere as Sandburg tore open his desk scattering its contents. He debated for a moment on whether to leave his Guide alone till he cooled off but one look at the hazardous glass strewn room and the crazed look on Blair's face convinced him he had to take action. Quietly coming up behind the young man who was busy kicking his desk into kindling Jim grabbed his roommate waist pining his arms to his sides.
The effect was instantaneous; a howl of panic and rage echoed through the loft as Sandburg fought kicked and twisted within his Sentinel's grasp. Jim struggled with the wild demon, pain exploded from his face when Blair threw his head back striking his cheek. He was certain if the kid wasn't weakened by his ordeal the last couple of days there would be no way he could hold him, as it was he wasn't to sure that he could now. Grateful for his diligence at the gym Jim dragged his crazed partner out of the demolished bedroom into the living room, pushing backward he somehow toppled them onto the sofa him on the bottom his still fighting partner half on the couch half in his lap. One wild kick splintered the coffee table, shit if he didn't calm down the kid was seriously going to hurt himself, tightening his grasp he swung his leg over Blair's pinning him gently but firmly against himself and the couch. Barely recognizable shouts and curses rose to a crescendo sending sharp pain through his sensitive ears, but the frenzied heartbeat is what frightened him the most. Gently at first he began rocking the insanely distraught young man as he would a child "Its ok Blair, calm down, its ok, its ok" he murmured softly over and over into his partners ear.
Gradually the struggles and screams slowed till finally they were reduced to shaking soul-wrenching sobs. Instead of fighting to get away Blair grabs onto Jim twisting around trying to bury himself into the shelter of his Sentinels arms, Jim helped him turn pulling Blair's head firmly against his chest and rested his chin on top of his friends riotous curls. Anguish bled from every sob Blair made as Jim tenderly began stroking the soft tangled ringlets, he continued rocking his friend, wishing with all his heart he could do something more to take away his pain. He knew if the situations were reversed Blair would have the words to ease his suffering instead all he could do was cradle his wounded friend, and keep the world away for a short time so he could begin healing.
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Simon lumbered out of his car; Joel followed silently lost in his own thoughts just a step behind him. Today events weighed heavily on his broad shoulders making him feel every one of his 43 years. Everything was still sketchy with the only thing to go on was that horrible tape, he shook his head trying to rid himself of the appalling images burned into his brain. What made it personal was his Detective… hell his friend had the starring role in what he could only describe as a cheap porn/horror flick. Finally reaching the loft door Simon was surprised that Jim hadn't opening it before he knocked as he always did. Perplexed he knocked then after a few minutes he knocked again now slightly alarmed. Both the truck and the Volvo were in the parking lot he didn't think Sandburg was in any shape to walk.
"Simon?" Joel asked picking up on his fellow Captain's apprehension.
"Something's wrong" he answered pulling out his keys looking for the spare that Jim gave him long ago. Cautiously with hands on their weapons they entered the loft. "Shit" he said softly plainly seeing the havoc in Sandburg's room.
"Simon they're over here, looks like their sleeping" Joel motioned at the couch.
Jim was curled protectively around Blair who was lying partially on him his head resting on his partner's broad chest. A small measure of peace shone through the dried tears on both their slumbering faces.
Simon and Joel looked at one another, both silently agreeing to let the exhausted duo sleep a little while longer. Quietly Simon took the afghan and gently covered his two Detectives, he didn't understand the bond they had but if it helped the kid survive through this, he didn't need to understand it, he only wanted it to work. Joel tapped him on his shoulder glancing around he found a broom and dust pan shoved in his hands, he smiled at his older friend who was already cleaning up Blair's room. Ordinarily he would be ticked at the thought of cleaning up Sandburg's mess, but after everything that's happened today he was just grateful he still had the kid around to clean up after.
Quietly the two Captain's worked side by side making the room livable again each wishing that the occupant of this room could be as easily fixed.
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