New
Arrivals
Author-Suzie
Titles
The Talk
by Suzie
Summary: Jim and Blair finally talk. #4 in Writer's Block Series #1.
Disclaimer: Some of the characters in this story belong to the UPN Network and Pet Fly Productions as part of the television show The Sentinel. I do not claim these characters as my own. No money has changed hands.
Notes: Thanks Jen! I'm learning.
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow ~ Don't walk behind me, I may not lead ~ Just walk beside me and be my friend."
~~ Unknown ~~
######
Jim walked into the Major Crimes bullpen looking as if he would rip the head off anyone who even appeared like they might speak to him. Sitting heavily in the chair at his desk, Jim pressed both hands to his eyes and groaned. Why does he make me do these things?! Whywhywhy?!
"Ellison!" Captain Banks called from the doorway of his office.
"WHAT!?!" Jim bellowed without thinking, before looking up. Oh shit! "Sorry, sir, I didn't mean ..."
Simon frowned at the detective. "In my office."
Jim didn't even notice the wide-eyed stares coming from the people around him, as he marched purposely through the bullpen to the Captain's office.
Simon seated himself behind his desk. "Want coffee?"
Jim shook his head, "No ... thank you, sir." He leaned back against the edge of the table, "I'm really sorry about that out there. I was thinking about something ..."
"Sandburg called. He'd like his keys and wallet back. He didn't sound at all happy." Simon actually looked amused. "What happened this morning, Jim."
Jim scrubbed his big hands over his face. "It started last night. He had a class ... I didn't want him to go out."
"I'm listening."
"We argued. He left anyway." Jim pushed himself up so he was sitting on the tabletop. "When he got home later, he wasn't feeling well, and had a slight fever again. I got upset ..."
"Okay, I've got the picture. Did you take his keys and wallet?" Simon asked.
Jim pulled both items out of a jacket pocket, laying them on the table beside him.
"Why?"
Jim shrugged, "I checked on him this morning when I got up. He was sleeping so soundly that I didn't want to wake him." Jim looked at the keys and wallet, "I wanted to make sure he stayed home and rested today."
"Jim, when are ...," Simon tried.
"That gas took more out of him than he'll admit, and it's only been a few days Simon," Jim interrupted. "Sometimes he feels better, then other times I can tell he feels bad. The doctor said it would take time for the chemicals to work out of his system, and told Sandburg to get plenty of rest. He can't rest if he's out ..."
"Doing what? Working? Going to class? Studying?"
"Exactly!" Jim sighed, "Rest means home ... lying down ... sleeping."
"How many times have you come to work when you've had the flu, or a cold ... or been injured?" Simon questioned patiently. "When you should've been home ... *resting*."
Jim blinked dumbly. "I just ..."
"Aren't you the one who told me it was time to let little brother grow up?"
Jim scowled. Did I say that? I lied.
"Get out of here."
"Yes, sir. I was going to go ..."
"Home, Ellison. You will be absolutely no good to anyone until you and Sandburg straighten this out."
Jim picked up the keys and wallet, and silently walked out of the office.
**********
"Sandburg? You home?" Jim called quietly, after entering the loft. He didn't know why he asked. Jim knew the kid was there before opening the door.
"Where the hell else would I be, Ellison?" Blair said from his room, anger distinct in his voice.
Jim could tell Blair's throat was bothering him by the slight crackle in his voice. Jim stepped into the dining area to see Blair standing in the doorway to his room, arms folded across his chest. Dark angry lines creasing the usually smooth face.
Jim avoided eye contact, as he placed Blair's things on the table and said, "I'm really sorry, Chief. I just ... I was ... I'm sorry."
The anger left Blair's face at the sight standing before him. He'd been prepared for another argument ... not an apology. Damn! How can I stay mad when he looks so ... dejected? "Jim, can we talk?" Blair asked.
"Yeah ... sure." Jim sat at the table and waited for Blair to join him.
Blair sat across from the big detective. "Jim, I can guess that you took my keys and wallet to try to keep me home today. But ... are you going to be taking my keys and wallet every time I get sick or hurt?"
Probably. "I'm sorry, Blair. I was worried and wanted you to stay home and rest. I didn't want you going ..."
"If you had asked I would have told you that I wasn't going in to work today.”
"I didn't want to wake you."
Blair shook his head with a tolerant smile. “By the time I got to the university last night, I felt so lousy I asked a friend to record the lecture for me. He's going to bring me the tape."
"But, you didn't come home until late," Jim mentioned.
"I went to my office and slept for two hours."
"You should've called if you were feeling that bad."
"I know I know, I was still angry at you, and I didn't want to give you the satisfaction." Blair pushed at his hair and continued, "You were right, though. I had no business going to that class, and I knew it."
"Then ... why?" Jim puzzled.
"Because ... well." Blair faltered. "It was ..."
Jim looked up at his friend and stated, "Because I said you shouldn't go."
"Ah ... yeah."
"I don't mean to be so overbearing, Chief. I just care about you ... and I don't like it when you're sick ..."
"I know," Blair said gently. "And I appreciate it ... really.” He pushed himself out of the chair and began pacing. “But … Jim … you have *got* to stop being so … smothering.”
“Smothering?” Jim repeated quietly. “You think I’m smothering you?”
Blair chuckled, “Jim … buddy … you took my keys and my wallet so I’d stay home and rest, remember?”
Jim smiled, a blush rising in his face. “Oh, yeah … I guess some people might call that smothering.”
“I could rattle off a ton of stuff like that, that you do.”
Jim sighed wearily and pushed his hands to his face.
“But I won’t. The thing is … you tend to treat me like a kid. I’m an adult … I *can* take care of myself.” Most of the time anyway.
“I know you can, Chief.” Sometimes anyway. Jim watched Blair as he paced around the table. “It just seems like whenever you’re working with me, you get hurt ... and it’s usually my fault for dragging you into it.”
“You know that’s not true Jim!” Blair cried. “You have *never* dragged me into anything! I’m here ‘cause I wanna be! I’m your partner, I watch your back … because I want to!”
“I realize that … now,” Jim said sincerely. “It hit me like a ton of bricks when I brought you home from the hospital the other day.” Going to the kitchen, he got himself a beer. “I mean … I knew it all along, but I just … didn’t think about you really *wanting* to be here. I'm not exactly the easiest person to live with.”
“You just react as situations come up, don’t you?” Blair said.
Jim nodded, “I-I know I can’t always be there to protect you, that I can’t always stop the bad things from happening. God, I wish I could! I’m suppose to be your Blessed Protector.”
"You *are* my Blessed Protector, man! You have always been around when I've needed you. It's just ..." Blair hesitated at the back of the sofa, staring out at the balcony.
Jim set the untouched beer on the counter and went to stand behind his friend. "What is it, Chief?" he asked, his voice soft and unassuming.
"I need some space, Jim," Blair whispered.
Jim took a step back with a gasp. Oh my God. No! "Sandburg ... Blair ... I don't want you to leave here!"
Jim's voice was filled with such surprised anguish that Blair spun on his heels to face him.
"Oh ... nonono, Jim!" Blair quickly amended, mentally kicking himself for his choice of words. "That's not what I meant! I don't wanna leave!"
Jim let his lungs empty with a rush, and moved around to sink onto the sofa. The thought ... the possibility ... of Blair leaving was ... "Don't ever do that to me again!" he said with a slight tremble in his voice.
Blair quickly sat beside the big man, concern edging as he spoke. "I am *soo* sorry, man! Are you okay?" God, what did I do?!
"I will be," Jim answered. "Soon as my heart starts up again." He looked up at the young face and saw something in those bright blue eyes. "So ... ah ... what *did* you mean?"
"Oh ... I ... um ..." Blair sighed, trying to think. "I think I just realized something."
"And that would be?"
"You *really* do care about me, don't you." The words Blair spoke were a statement, not a question.
"No shit, Sherlock."
"No ... I mean ...," Blair tried, but couldn't find the words he so desperately needed. This shouldn't be this hard! "Dammit!"
Jim sat up straight and turned to put his hands on Blair's shoulders. "Look Chief, there is no question that I care about you. You're my best friend, my guide, my partner ... I could go on and on here. I treat you the way I do because ... well ... because I love you ..."
Blair's eyes widen at the same time his mouth opened.
"No, let me talk here at minute," Jim stopped him. "When you told me the other day that *you* loved *me*, it felt like something hit me ... hard. I've always taken for granted that you would be here. Never once, did I stop to consider the fact that you were here because you wanted to be, and not because you feel you have to be here. You made me think about what our friendship really means to me. I'm not just a thesis to you, am I?"
Blair felt his sore throat tighten and his eyes burn with threatening tears. "Oh man, Jim. The thesis is so definitely secondary in this relationship. As long as I have you as my friend, I don't care if I ever finish that paper."
Jim smiled gently, "We'll discuss that later. Right now I want to promise you something."
"What's that?"
"I promise to *try* and not be so 'smothering', and to be less of a mother hen. And ... I promise to *try* to treat you more like the adult you are, and stop telling you what to do all the time. You've shown me many times that you can deal with what gets thrown your way. This is your home too, and I want it to feel that way."
"That's all I ask, man," Blair whispered.
"I will *not*, however, stop being your Blessed Protector, your friend, or your big brother. And, I absolutely refuse to stop worrying and ..."
Blair brought his hands up in resignation and smiled, "Jim, I understand. I think I can live with it." You won't change at all, will you?
"Good," Jim said, releasing the shoulders with a final pat. "I'm sorry we fought last night, and I'm sorry about taking your keys and wallet. But, Chief, I swear ... next time ..."
"Don't worry, big guy. I learned my lesson. I promise to *try* and be less of a 'brat' from now on."
Yeah, right. I don't see that change happening in this lifetime. "From now on we listen to each other, right?"
"Right, and we give each other a little space when we need it, okay?"
Jim eyed Blair, concern flashing quickly in his deep blue eyes.
Blair saw the look and went for an explanation, "You know how when you're sick or hurt and you get real cranky? You're always telling me to leave you alone?"
Jim smiled guiltily, "Uh huh."
"Well, I usually leave you alone ... I stay out of your space."
Jim nodded, "But, I can't just *ignore* you when you're not feeling well."
"I don't want you to ignore me, man. I just don't always want you to ... hover. Sometimes I just want to be alone when I don't feel good."
"Okay ... I can do that."
"Good."
"All right then, since we're on the subject. The next time I tell you I don't want one of your herbal concoctions, don't spend all your time harassing me about it."
Blair looked almost hurt. "But, those remedies are ..."
"Sandburg!" Jim's voice was a warning.
"Okay ... I can do that."
"Good."
Blair suddenly realized what had just happened. He blinked at Jim and thought, He wants me to be here and he's willing to make concessions for the sake of friendship. Blair felt heat rise in his face as he looked away. Getting up from the sofa, he went to stand at the big windows. Jim could hear his slightly accelerated heartbeat.
"Blair?" Jim said carefully.
"Yeah?" Blair's voice cracked.
"How're you feeling?"
"Okay. A little tired maybe," Blair said softly, reaching up to swipe at his face.
Concern pulled the detective off the sofa and over to his friend. "You sure?"
"Yes ... no," Blair shrugged.
Jim didn't know what to do. "Talk to me?"
Blair shook his head. A sob escaped as he pulled in a ragged breath of air.
Jim reached out to lay a hand on Blair's back, but hesitated. "Um ... do you need some ... space?"
That did it! In a blur of movement, Blair turned and flung himself at the bigger man, latching his arms around the broad chest.
"Whoa ... hey, buddy." Jim's arms automatically went around Blair. "What is it?"
"Don't *ever* change, Jim!" Blair said, pushing himself away to look up at his friend. "Not for anybody!"
Jim looked curiously at the face that suddenly looked even younger than usual. "I don't plan to."
"I know I can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but I don't do it on purpose."
What the hell is happening here? "I know you don't do it on purpose Chief."
"I'm the one that needs to change!" Blair said forcefully.
"Chief, what are you going on about? Neither one of us is going to change," Jim said with a concerned frown.
Blair turned back to the window and stared out at the horizon. "I just want you to be my friend, Jim."
Jim stepped up to stand beside Blair and draped an arm around his shoulders. "No problem there. I'll always walk beside you and be your friend," Jim told him with a lopsided grin.
<>~~<>~~<>
end