by Tany Z
Disclaimers: Standard disclaimers, y'all.
Author's Notes: Originally posted on SentinelAngst. Anyone else here know what 'durian' is? :-)
"Ok, just need to pick up the milk and OJ and we're done."
"No, we're not done yet, Jim. Gotta hit the candy aisle."
"Candy? Since when do you go on sugar binges, Chief?"
"Not for me, man. Halloween's coming up. We need to start stockpiling *now*."
"NOW?! Sandburg, Halloween's two months away! Won't it get stale or something?"
"Chocolate's got a nice long shelf life, Jim. Besides, may I remind you of *last* year? We waited 'til like the day before and the shelves were stripped. I had to run all over town to find the good stuff."
"Whaddaya mean *you* had to run all over? I brought some candy home!"
"Jim - you happened to be in Chinatown that day. You brought home stuff that would have sent the neighborhood kids screaming. I mean - candy-flavored corn, haw flakes, tamarind lollipops, bamboo salt gummies? And I still haven't figured out *how* you managed to even *touch* those durian candies, let alone carry them in the enclosed cab of the truck."
"Oh - yeah. Think Mrs. Fischer's spaniel will ever forgive us?"
"Dogs forgive mankind a lot, Jim. But I don't think Mrs. Fischer will ever look at you again without contemplating ratting you out to Animal Precinct."
<grumble> "I didn't feed durian candy to Maxie on purpose, Sandburg. I just wanted to get it the hell out of the loft. Not my fault a few pieces fell out of the garbage. Who'd have thought the dog would snarf it up so fast? She didn't even stop to *smell* it."
"Yeah, yeah, I know. Tell it to the Humane Society."
"Besides, I paid the bill for getting her carpets cleaned."
"Heh. I remember. Didn't know dogs could projectile-vomit."
"Ugh. I don't want to think about it. What do you wanna get? Those mini chocolate bars, right?"
"Yeah. One of these, and one of these, and *two* of these, and two of *these*, and..."
"Whoa up there, Willie Wonka! Just how many kids you think we're going to get?"
"Ahem. Jim, this year, Halloween falls on a Friday."
"So it's not a school night. That doesn't mean we need ..."
"Annnnnd - who has the Major Crime poker game the last Friday in October? Which is, of course, the 31rst?"
"Uh - that would be us."
"And - shall we discuss the effect of basketsfull of chocolate on the various and sundry members of Major Crime? Those stalwart defenders of the citizenry of Cascade, who turn into a bunch of sugar-deprived six-year-olds at the very sight of a mini-Snickers?"
"Uh - well, you got a point..."
"Point?! I'll give you points. Lemme *point* out to you what happened in the break room after Easter. Rafe, Joel, and Henri all squabbling over who got the last Cadbury egg. AND a certain police captain who pulled rank and grabbed not only the egg but made off with my chocolate bunny. MINE. So you'll pardon me if I exhibit a tendency to overstock."
"Ok, Ok, you win. So: mini-Snickers, Almond Joys, Three Musketeers, Milky Ways, Butterfingers, Hersheys, Nestle's Crunch, Reese's Cups, Mr. Goodbars, Paydays - am I missing anything?"
"Tch. *Only* the most important AND relevant kind, Jim. Can you say 'spirit animal'?"
"Spirit ani - oh. Gotcha. Here."
"Jiiiim! Only ONE bag of Kit-Kats?!"