Summary: Missing scene for Blind Man's Bluff.
Disclaimer: Jim and Blair do not belong to me. They are the property of Pet Fly and Paramount. I don't make any money etc. etc. Vision sends Becky a big thank you for all of her work. Vision thanks Becky for her beta'reading. Dedicated it to Becky, Festus, and BJKira.
He couldn't sleep. Rolling on his back, Jim stared blindly at the ceiling. Was this his destiny? Was this God's plan? Or was this but another "test" of his commitment to being a Sentinel. What was this!
He had never really thought about it before. Always taken it for granted. Being able to "see" was just one of those "rights" he thought he deserved. What a mistake...
Being a "Sentinel" was nothing compared to this. Maybe that alone was the reason for this situation. Maybe the gods had conspired to teach him a lesson about what was truly important. Maybe he was being punished...
Closing his eyes, he tried to imagine Blair's face. How long would he be able to remember it? A month? A week? Tomorrow? What a thought...
A mental list of unseen places flowed through his head. He should have seen more of the world. He should have been more "aware" of what he "saw"...
Now what? Get a dog? Buy a cane? Not on your life! Not this guy! No way! He could handle this. He was a "cop" for god's sake. He was a...cop.
Tears swelling in his eyes, Jim smoothed his hand across the comforter. A blind cop. Not exactly an asset to the department. Colours flashed before his eyes, red, yellow, green, blue. What colour shirt did he have on this morning? Did those socks actually match? Oh god.
Pity. The word echoed in his head. The thought of being "pitied" made his stomach tighten. What about Blair? This was not part of the "plan." The thought of Blair staying with him out of "pity" was out of the question. He would have to ask him to leave. Force him to leave if that's what it took. Jim Ellison could manage just fine thank you. Didn't need anyone. Didn't need Blair Sandburg. Didn't need...
Slamming his fist into the bed, Jim swiped a hand across his tear-stained face. What the hell did I do? What horrible act did I commit to deserve this? Are you listening?
Rolling on his side, Jim gathered the covers closer to his body. Maybe he could hide. Maybe he could just pretend he was normal again. Maybe he could learn to "lie" to the world. Maybe he could even learn to "lie" to himself...
A sudden noise interrupted his thoughts. Blair's sock-clad feet ascended the stairs.
"Jim. You okay?"
Turning his head away from the noise, Jim swallowed hard before he spoke. "Sure, Chief. Just having a little trouble sleeping. That's all."
Blair moved to sit on the edge of the bed. "You want to talk? I know I do."
Fighting back tears, Jim clutched the blanket closer around him. "Nothing to talk about. Got it all under control."
Sighing, Blair shifted beside him. "Glad YOU do. I sure don't. You don't want to talk? Then just listen. I care about you, Jim Ellison. I cared about you before, and I care about you now. I know what you're doing, and it's not gonna work. You may not have noticed, but I know you pretty well. I am not leaving. Do you hear me? You can push me away all you want. I am not leaving. We'll deal with this. We'll deal with it together. And don't give me this, "I've got it all under control" crap either. You are not in "control". You're terrified, and rightly so. Why can't you just admit it? Why can't you just let that stupid mask of yours slip just this once? Why can't you just allow yourself to be human?"
A moment of silence passed between them.
Slowly, Jim sat up in the bed and fumbled for Blair's hand. Jim's voice shook as he spoke. "I'm... I'm scared, Blair. I've never been so scared in my life."
Gathering Jim in his arms, Blair rocked him gently. "It's okay, Jim. I'm here. I'll always be here."