New Arrivals
Author-Wolfpanther
Titles

It's a Matter of Trust and Loyalty
by Wolfpanther

Author's Notes: This is the first time I've written anything in over 24 years, and the first time I've ever written anything with someone else's characters.

Spoilers: Flight, Survival, Deep Water, Blind Man's Bluff, Hear No Evil, Warriors, Three Point Shot, Sweet Science, Crossroads, Night Shift, Sentinel Too, Part 1, Murder 101, Dead End On Blank Street, and The Sentinel by Blair Sandberg.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in the story. They are owned by PetFly, UPN and Paramount.

Jim shut down his computer and headed down to the police garage to get his truck. He was looking forward to going home and having a nice quiet evening with Blair. Maybe they'd order in a pizza, share a few beers and watch the game. Coming into the PD just wasn't the same without Blair. Thankfully, Blair would start the Academy and firearms training in a few weeks and then upon completion would be his permanent partner. No more worrying about the brass or substitute Captains questioning his observer's credentials. He would be a bona fide cop. Maybe that would get Blair out of the depression he seemed to be settling into.

Jim arrived at Prospect to find Blair's Volvo gone and the loft in darkness. Maybe a few of his former friends were coming around and Blair had gone out to a club or dinner. Entering the loft, he placed his keys in the basket on the table and his jacket on the hook by the door. Instead of turning on the lights, he raised the dial on his sight. Turning around he once again noticed the emptiness of the walls where Blair's tribal masks used to hang. Taking in the bookshelves and the remainder of the living room, Jim noticed for the first time the empty spots where the books, statutes and various knick-knacks that Blair had placed around making the loft a home usually sat. In a moment of panic, he went to the french doors closing off his guide's room from the rest of the loft. Opening the doors, he found the futon neatly made. Looking at the room, you would never know that anyone had lived in it for nearly four years. Making his way back out to the kitchen to check the answering machine for a message, Jim saw the note on the kitchen table with his name written across the front of it in Blair's strong handwriting. Almost afraid of what he would find, he opened it to see what his friend had to say:

Jim dropped the letter back on the kitchen table. Where would Blair go? Since Blair's press conference declaring his dissertation a fraud, most of his friends and former colleagues had fallen by the wayside, narrowing down the possibilities in that direction. His best choice would probably be Naomi and Jim had no idea where to even start looking for her. Jim seriously doubted Blair would stay with any of their friends from Major Crimes, knowing he'd be found quickly.

Feeling frustrated at the dead ends he'd run into and at himself, he pulled a beer out of the refrigerator and stepped out onto the balcony. Gazing out at the moonlit bay he reflected on how he had failed his friend. 'What kind of Sentinel am I? I thought that my Guide was depressed over the loss of his old life. Why didn't I realize how the deeper problem was me and my failing him once again? I have to find him somehow and make it right, but if I search for him now without giving him the time to sort it out himself will I loose him forever?"

A pounding at the door brought his attention back to the present. "Ellison, Sandburg are you in there?"

Jim came in off the balcony and went to let Simon in. "What can I do for you Simon?"

"What the hell's going on with Sandburg? I come back from a meeting and find this note on my desk saying that he's going away to think for a while and doesn't know if he'll be back to go through the Academy. Also, he asked me to watch your back."

"He's left to decide what he want's to do. I don't know where he's gone. The few friends he has left don't know where he is and I have no idea where Naomi is. He left this note." Jim got another beer for himself and one for Simon and handed Simon Blair's note to read.

Simon accepted the beer and the note. After reading the note, he sat back with the beer, looked at Jim and said "I'm just surprised it took him this long to get tired of the way you treat him and leave. I've got to tell you Jim, when I first met him, I didn't think the kid had the staying power to put up with you as long as he did."

"What are you talking about Simon? I know we had some problems last year with his dissertation and Alex but we've put that behind us."

"You've got to be kidding, Jim. You can't be that blind. You might as well get comfortable; this is going to take a while. Let me just spell it out for you. He's shown you nothing but faith, trust and loyalty and how do you return it? You run off to Clayton Falls without an explanation and then make the kid feel as if he's just a pest. If that had been a real virus he could have died before you had a chance to work it all out. Did you learn from that incident? No. You turn around and read the draft of his introduction to his dissertation after he had asked you not to and then you accuse him of violating your trust. What do you call sneaking behind his back? Then before you have a chance to sit down and discuss it, Smallwood grabs him. Again he could have been killed and his last memories of you would have been of angry words.

But the clincher was the whole Alex Barnes mess. You dream you kill him, don't tell him and throw him out of the loft. You said you brushed him off when he tried to tell you about the second Sentinel and then condemn him for not telling you. He didn't know she was a thief. He was trying to find a way to save his dissertation, protect you and help someone else. Once again your last words to him were that you couldn't trust him and you wanted to end the partnership. This time he did die Jim before you could apologize.

Blair has also stood behind either one of us, no questions asked, but yet the few times he's needed our support for someone we've fought him all the way. Remember Orville Wallace and Roy William's brother, Jamie. He believed in their innocence, but we wouldn't listen to him. Yet, he never questioned my innocence when I was accused of murder. And the thought never even crossed his mind that you could be guilty when you were accused of being a dirty cop in the Brackley case or of murdering Veronica's husband. Even though he never knew Jack, he has enough faith in you that he automatically believed in his innocence because you did.

You told me that when you got the call from Captain Sandoval that the helicopter Daryl and I were in went down, Sandburg followed you without a second thought, jumping out of an airplane even though he's afraid of heights. Then when you get home, he turns down a major career opportunity with the expedition to Borneo to stay and work with you on your senses. Not because of his dissertation, but because he considers you a friend and he worries about you. When you were searching for me after Quinn grabbed me, he followed you off a cliff.

He's got such complete faith and trust in you that you were able to talk him down off a police car in the garage when he was stoned out of his mind by the Golden. And even though he was terrified for you he followed you undercover even when you were blind.

When your hearing went off the scale and you heard a cop being pushed out of a police helicopter by his partners, did he turn his back on you? No. He backed you up all the way when no one would believe you. And he solved your hearing problem with the white noise generators and you couldn't even be bothered to thank him until he mentioned.

Yet we couldn't take the time to listen to his concerns regarding Brad Ventriss until he had Blair beaten up and the evidence pointed to him in our investigation.

After all of this, when his dissertation was published, you never even gave him a chance to explain. You just assumed he had done it. Once again you showed no trust or faith in him. Even after that, his faith, trust and loyalty and his love and concern for you led him to completely destroy his life and his reputation. He renounced his work for you.

I suggest you think about all this Jim and you find him and make him feel like he's worth something in your life. I just hope that this time it isn't too late. You should thank God for the day he came into your life. He saved your life, your sanity and turned you into someone that people like being around and are proud to call friend. I think he needs to be shown that. That it isn't all for nothing.

You've got the next few days off. Find him, Jim. Make him realize that he matters. Keep me informed."

"Thanks, Simon. You've given me a lot to think about. I've got to find him somehow. I'll talk to you in a few days."

Jim followed Simon to the door and locked up behind him. He straightened up the loft and went to bed. Lying in bed, he was unable to get to sleep. He went over everything Simon had said and realized how it must have seemed to Blair. He really needed to find his partner, sit him down and tell him what he meant to him. The only problem was where to look for him.

Finally he drifted off to sleep and dreamt of the panther and the wolf. Jim knew he should recognize where they were but couldn't quite put his finger on it.

In the morning, Jim woke up and realized where their spirit guides were. St. Sebastian's, the monastery Blair had taken him to for relaxation. That would be where Blair would go. Brothers Jeremy and Marcus wouldn't stand in judgment of him and he would be able to meditate.

Jim called Simon to let him know where he was going and then drove to the spot where he needed to leave his car to get the bus to the monastery. Sitting there was Blair's Volvo. He decided to walk instead of calling for the bus and alerting Blair that he was on his way.

When he arrived, Blair was not in the monastery itself. He found him in the workshop working on the stained glass windows.

"Jim, what are you doing here man?"

"I needed to see you. If you don't want to talk to me Chief, I'll understand but I'd like the chance to explain to you what you mean to me."

"Why don't we go for a walk and talk?"

"Okay."

"I don't know where to start. You know I'm not that good with words. That's your department. First of all, I want you to know that everything I said to you at the hospital is the absolute truth. No one has ever loved me that much before that they would give everything up for me. If it weren't for you I don't believe I'd be here. And I certainly wouldn't have friends. You turned me into a human being. You've backed me every step of the way. You've never shown me anything but faith, trust and loyalty and I've turned my back on what you've needed time and time again. I'm only human and can't promise that it will never happen again, but I can promise that I will try to do better. If being my partner isn't what you want to do, we'll find something else for you to do or if I have to I'll leave the Department and we'll find something we can do together. Just please forgive me and come home, Chief."

"Jim, it means a lot to me that you would come here to talk to me. I know how hard it is for you. That makes it all the more special to me, but how do I know the next time something happens, you won't blame me and turn your back on me again?"

"Like I said Blair, I can't promise it won't happen, but I'll make every effort not to let it happen. I'm more aware of it now. I don't know what to tell you. I can't say it doesn't hurt, but I'll understand if you've lost your faith and trust in me and can't come home."

"I want to come home. I'm just not sure if I'm ready to be a cop."

"We'll work through that. As long as we're together I think we can handle anything. Let's go home."

"Okay, Jim. Just let me tell the Brothers."

The End